Why can not my husband is trying to save our marriage?
It is not uncommon to hear from wives who are trying very hard to get their husbands to assume that saving the marriage. In many cases, the wife firmly believes that the marriage can be saved if they both agree to save and work while her husband just does not want to do these things. Wives often do not understand. I often hear comments like "why not try to work to save our marriage? He does not want us to be able to work things out?" There are many reasons to give up marriage, husbands and / or refuse to try to save them. I will discuss some of these reasons in the following article.
Option Number One: he does not want to try to save the marriage, because they have a different agenda: Sometimes husbands look at or do not want to save your marriage because they have been through in their heads, or heart. Wives often assume that he is interested in or someone else. This is sometimes true, but this is not always the case. In general, if the husbands have made the very difficult decision to move on, they do not want to step down about it because they do not like emotionally unstable. They do not want to get back to the question, because I do not really think that things will change. Of course, if you want to save your marriage, you need to understand these barriers and overcome them.
wives often admit to me that as soon as they realize that their husbands passed, at least in his mind, the temptation to give up. I understand, but I've seen this situation turn enough to convince you that this situation is seldom hopeless, although there is not always an immediate solution.
Option Number Two: he doesn & # 39; t want to save the marriage, because I do not think you should have to work so hard. Or "work" of saving the marriage is not sympathetic to him wives often admit to me that the approach put forward in getting her husband to "work" with them to save the marriage. They will use phrases such as: ". But if you work with me, I know that we could save the marriage" Or "just a little work, we were able to turn this around."
These sentences can not fake it. And they are not asking too much. But the image that sometimes elicit husbands are not optimal. Often, it would have better results if you just paint a different mental picture that mean the same thing. Many times, when you say to people that you want to "work" with her marriage, which makes pictures you discuss your deepest feelings, or tell him what he was doing wrong, or if it is not. Or he will be probing the deepest image of a marriage counselor's feelings or what feels impossible demands. This is generally not something you want. You'll see it as something that is not desirable, and he then either close it or reject it completely.
You're so much better if you ask him the same thing, but in different words, and therefore the end of a variety of mental images. For example, instead of "work" or "save" language, you might want to hit where you know that the target is most effective. In other words, what you most enjoy in marriage, when things are good? What was the biggest pay off? Many men with this physical aspect of marriage. Thus, men often equate an emotional connection. Some men will respond to laughter or something else, but I really miss a lot of physical intimacy.
In this case, instead of the "working" or "save marriage" language, it is possible to approach something like "Only I miss feeling so physically connected. Used to off sparks can ignite fireworks you. it is so exciting to me, when you are connected that way, and I want to do and connect with you in this way again. I sincerely think it can not get back to that place. "
See how this works? Approaching her, if you know that the currency. Asking him to "work" or "save" is not as effective as asking him to join.
Cause three: do not believe that marriage be saved because it Out played before less than desirable results: I Dialogue many men in this situation. Many people say that they are not committed to saving the marriage, it is doubtful whether it can be saved. And they feel that past attempts to save not only not that much fun, but it was a mistake. So they hesitate to repeat the process all over again the same result.
So, you have to overcome your fear and doubt. And one way to do this is to begin to show him some positive changes and improvements without it having to be involved. There really is a lot of things you can improve yourself, without any cooperation from him. People often doubt, but it's really true. There are some great power only in yourself and change the ones that approach, perceive and make things right.
And often, when you focus on yourself, show her a real and lasting changes will not painful at all. This is a very effective way to begin to chip away his doubts and resistance.