possessiveness and the tragic effects of marriage
ownership marriage is the desire to dominate and control every aspect of your spouse's life. Maybe in terms of friendships and relationships, jobs, hobbies, or even programs you can watch on your TV. This can lead to the coercive control of another person, so that the victim was afraid to allow such behavior, or what you want to do. Ownership is often attributed to men. But there are many women who also want to keep their husbands in a pincer grip. Probably the "hen-pecked" reflects this attitude.
arranged marriage between the bright and cheerful young pharmacist and an officer of a private bank. Although his features contorted Bell's palsy, his parents thought nothing of it. I had a steady job with a good income ensuring the safety of their daughter. Within a few months, it has become a sad, moody and disturbed woman. Her husband was a holder such an extent that he needed an hour by hour account of behavior in the workplace. He prevented progress professionally in different ways.
could not connect any social activities with colleagues. Three children followed in quick succession. She tolerated her husband's behavior for ten years. Then it was gone, so the comment to say that if her husband went to the psychiatric treatment for his abnormal behavior, he will never come back. A reminder of the nursery rhyme "Peter, Peter pumpkin eater, who has a wife, but she could not keep her. She made her into a pumpkin shell, and there was very good."
But she broke through the shell hollering, "Do not you dare fence me in."
Obviously, the facial deformity gave him a complex. He felt that if not checked his wife, she would be unfaithful or even leave him. She lost him not because of his looks, but because of his behavior. Time psychiatric finally brought a reunion.
signs of possession:
• Controlling the spouse that her cows down, and argues that his wishes.
• Unfounded suspicion of activity, he meets and whom he speaks. Not only is her interaction with the opposite sex, but also women's friendships are suspicious.
• Frequent phone calls to check the activities.
• the company of friends is completely prohibited.
• selfishness with no consideration for the likes or dislikes spouse.
• Spying on the movements of private investigators.
causes of ownership
The first uncertainty: growing up in troubled families, deprivation of love in childhood, desertion by parents have formed a deep uncertainty. Therefore, you want to keep close to his "possession".
2. Lack of trust for the spouse.
3. inferiority complex: A spouse may be better educated and better trained. He may be holding an important task, and drawing a fabulous salary.
4. Borderline personality disorder or acute: Those who suffer from schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are prone to insecurity and ownership.
5. egocentricity and selfishness. I do not think beyond their own comfort.
6. Jealousy can be hidden or open.
7. When love becomes a passion, the object of love is an obsession.
The effect of the victim
– The frustration and anger against the intimidating spouse.
– retreat socially or professionally.
– Self-depreciation and the loss of self-esteem.
– Desire to escape the clutches of a spouse.
How to prevent the ownership
There are two key elements that are necessary for a stable marriage of love and trust. To do a proper understanding of the different roles of the spouses' relationship. Individual differences should be respected. Although the commitment of marriage can not override some individual rights, not to destroy all individual rights. Each must be the freedom to develop personal skills and interests. Spouses should be able to have friends of the same sex.
M. Scott Peck calls the failure to appreciate the special position of other than narcissism.
"Love is a special job," he says, "The real lover perceives the beloved, as someone who has a completely separate identity. The real lover encourages this separation and the unique personality of the beloved."
Each individual needs mental and physical space, if they operate to full capacity. One spouse can not be an extension of the other. Make time for friends and time for hobbies. However, there must be mutual agreement on the amount of time spent on specific activities. Apart from the time spent not driving them apart. Every little absence makes the heart grow fonder love.
"separateness enhance the marriage relationship," says Scott Peck.
generosity will allow the partners to the real joy of the success of partners. It must encourage and support each other.
How to overcome the possession of
• Discover the roots of insecurity. There is an inferiority complex about your background or your job?
• Are you afraid of losing ownership of the spouse? Communicate your feelings and fears, to your partner, and wipe the case. You'll find that your fears are unfounded.
• Every relationship is to survive and grow, there must be mutual trust and open communication.
• overcome selfishness and your spouse space to grow.
• Remember that having a terrible abuse. You can not love. "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always sticking" (I Corinthians 13: 6.).
• Although marriage is a legal bond that does not mean enslavement of the spouse.
• seek professional help and advice.
advice for victims:
– do not expect others to fight his battles. Facing your spouse, and download the individual's identity.
– do not tolerate any form of abuse. It is better to end the destructive relationship.
Khalil Gibran author / philosopher leaves us with this thought: ". Stay between spaces, togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you"
relationship time to develop. They should be strengthened and nurtured with love and patience, commitment and trust. Through manipulation of ownership leads to intimidation, coercion or enticement that the culprit may be the way. Someone compared witchcraft manipulation. Whether it's a husband or a wife, not a full mandate to control the other.