Engagement Anxiety dismantled – Do I Love My Fiance enough?
They tend to speak softly, as if they were in violation of some unwritten law to interested persons. I hear the fear, doubt, confusion and anxiety packed every word, and the relief that I finally found a safe place to discuss their true feelings. The story and subsequent issues some version of the following (written as a woman, but it is equally easy to talk to a man in his wife's future):
"My fiancé is a great guy He is an honest, responsible and loyal. good-looking, fun. my parents and friends love him. I felt so safe has never been anyone. have the same values about children, family, money, religion. I know I love him and he's my best friend, but I'm not sure … sure that I'm in love with it. I love enough to marry? how do I know that I'm not making a mistake? "
usually know in the first fifteen minutes or not the advice to the session, a person commits an error a. But it often takes much longer than my clients to assimilate the information you offer them work through the exercises I used to write and begin to dismantle their commitment anxiety, so that they can transform what we think of as "cold feet" and start to feel , excited about the wedding and marriage. We typically three priority areas to facilitate this process
first red flag can differentiate a normal relationship issues and anxiety commitment:
engagements arising from
There are two types of fear: the first indicates that there is a serious red flag issues in the relationship, and the second is a sign that you're about to be the biggest commitment of your life, and yes, it's scary. What I am referring to the red flag questions? Some are very obvious: the partner of an addiction problem (alcohol, drugs, work, gambling), or betrayal of trust are issues that have not healed, there are core values related to conflicts of interest, like having children or religion. Other red flag of the issues may be less obvious: the partner of major control issues that he is not prepared to deal with, you are young (early twenties) and is not ready to commit to one person, you have the feeling that your partner Whether it & # 39; t really love you, but I prefer the fantasy or idea from you. There are certainly other red flag issues, but these are the most common I see in my practice.
The other kind of fear of what is usually thought of as "cold feet". Personally I do not like the term cold feet because it does not accurately describe what people experience during the engagement, which is a real fear. It's not mince words; I'm calling a spade a spade, and when people are in transition, very frightened. They are afraid of the unknown. They're afraid jumped off the cliff and landing on the normal life in new and unfamiliar territory. They are afraid of commitment a person forever. My husband is very scary, and to say otherwise is to avoid the basic truth about this major life transition. So, if we determine that there are no major red flag issues in the relationship, we are working to normalize the fear and learn how to add location is not allowed in order to run the show.
2. We love again:
Culture is a lot of misconceptions about love and there is no where to appear more prominently than anywhere engagements, weddings. Before getting engaged, clients share that they felt positive partner and excited to marry. But when he opened the question suddenly put her and their relationship under a microscope, and wonders love him enough? I know that I like, but I really am in love with him? And then around the waterfall buzzwords love and marriage cascading down his mind day and night: He is my soul mate? What if I settle? Do you have enough passion? He (my all-time favorite, and the one that gets the most women) is one?
Oh, dear, if these words and phrases cause to doubt, you're not alone! It just means that it's time to get back to what it means to love someone to decide to marry someone, make a conscious, daily choice to love and approve. As one customer wisely he said: "I had to fall out of love fiance so I could learn what love is, and then falls in love with him again – this time in a healthy place I learned that love is not a feeling but a choice.." During wedding advice , we spend a lot of time discussing the truth about love, romance and marriage, until the imagination of the customer and cracked open sound true love.
3. It examines the underlying causes of anxiety:
The word anxiety is a kind of catch-all phrase that includes a wide spectrum of emotions of fear and dread of depression, sadness and uncertainty. The crux of the Conscious Weddings advice – and the impetus for pioneering bridal consultants for more than a decade – is to shed light on the thoughts and feelings that are typically created what we think, wedding cold feet and commitment anxiety. They are as follows:
o Bereavement about letting go of a single identity and lifestyle
o fears that the commitment to marry a person
o Confusion about how to isolate the origin family
o doubt, the unknown Marriage
o recurring sense of loss about deceased relatives and previous relationships, previous transitions
In other words, sometimes the anxiety that arises nothing to do with the engagement partner. After you make sure that there are no red flag question, and again what true love is, I help the client to remove the projection fiance then lead him into the underlying causes, and the anxiety dissipates and he knows the joyful wedding and healthy the marriage of your dreams.