Marriage, a real relationship, in fact, much more complicated than I first thought when I first got married. Most couples get married without knowing of marriage, only the example that parents set.
And in truth, the parents never sat us down and explained the subtleties of a successful marriage – mostly because it succeeds or not, I do not know why. So, thinking about getting married, "I love her. She loves me. That's enough."
Love is great. But this does not guarantee a good marriage. In fact, if you think about it, they argue and fight the most of the people you say you love the most.
You see, we sorta grew up spoiled. We learned really quickly that what was at the center of other people's lives. The grave cause infants to adults to come scampering us gifts at Christmas does not matter how good or bad we were, in the past year. We clothed, sheltered, fed and spoiled to some degree. As teenagers, we learned that our parents were like ATM machines … and do not even have to pay a transaction fee!
The truth is, almost all of them grew up without having to think of the needs of the parents. The parents were self-sufficient. You do not have the time of our lives to pander to their needs. In fact, they pander to our needs. And we got used to that.
Then his wife. We get married, not mother or father, but someone who is equally spoiled and selfish as we are. This is a recipe for disaster. As a result, at the end in the immature attitude of our marriage. Attitude, that does not necessarily grow up.
Here is the list of the immature attitude of a marriage. You will find that at least some of them no doubt.
- "I have my rights!" or "That's not fair!"
- "If this fails, you can just get a divorce."
- "Marriage is a 50-50 statement."
- "I did not grow up like that!" or "this is not the mother or father did."
- "You have to have a life that is different from my marriage."
- "This is not my problem. I deal with it!"
- "You always …" or "You never …"
- "This is mine!"
- "You do not have to listen to this!" or "Do not tell me what to do!"
- "This is your fault!"
The ten attitudes are signs of an immature marriage. If you have some of these, they show the error of thinking with regard to marriage. It's actually very common that at least some of these immature attitude. After all, it's not like if you went to a four-year college degree and a marriage. No, most of us jumped into a marriage she did not know much about it.
We will take all attitude one by one, and I'll show you the error of thinking process and what to do to correct it.
IMMATURE SITUATION – "are my rights!" or "It's not fair!"
This attitude shows a fundamental flaw in the marriage of vision or idea of what marriage should be. When you get married, the very act this way meant giving up the right "to privacy." "My Rights" or "your rights" should be
can not our rights! "
marriage unity of two people, and all that they are. As long as you hold selfish, that" the law "can not achieve the real goal of marriage, the unity of a man and a woman.
Imagine if both parties to the marriage are focused uplifting and promote marriage rather than themselves. most of the problems would disappear for such marriages. I mean, let's be honest, the main reason for all our arguments arrogance and selfishness.
Striving seeing the relationship as a whole, but two separate parts is Else, the relationship is not marriage is a partnership and you do not need a mate to have a roommate
IMMATURE POSITION -.. "If it does not work, we just become. "
This attitude is incredibly naive. This suggests that there is no commitment, no purpose, that marriage is not his own gratification. Marriage to more than other relationships. Do you need a level of commitment you're not willing to any other human on this planet.
marriage requires burning desire to work through any problem, overcome any obstacle and overcome any trial. If you are hoping that marriage will be forever happiness, you are sadly mistaken. Every marriage struggles, and this is a fight that binds us closer to each other, pushing us beyond our own selves, it forces us to reevaluate priorities, and focuses us the true riches of life.
without these struggles you just depth and little understanding of what a deep relationship really is. Learn to stick without a two-dimensional personalities are tied things up. Difficulties to come. you will undoubtedly hurt at some point or another … but if not for the strength to overcome it, you will never experience the incredible joy, a deep and lasting relationship.
Look, you always hurt the most people is what I like the most. That's just the way it is. If you love the person you married, then he will certainly hurt you at some point. Glue it. That the storm, so there may be joy and happiness claims you are looking for.
The people who bounce marriage, marriage will never understand it. They use divorce as an escape because they can not deal with the difficulties.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "Marriage is a 50-50 statement."
Marriage has never offer 50 -50. To slap a lease agreement or a signed contract. Marriage is not a business. This is a lifetime commitment. If you only intend to put 50% of his contact, then I can guarantee that you will not succeed.
we do not want to just 50% of your spouse's love, right? You want to be 100%. If both are 100% marriage, it is not going to have problems. When I got married, he basically promised to himself in the heart, the soul and the knowledge that the person is married.
Even when the problems, it would be wise if you just automatically assume at least 60% of the blame. The reason is simple. The idea that we are 50% to blame and your spouse can be very different. If you are willing to go beyond what is your opinion, you have the responsibility to set the foundations for a real solution to the problem.
Do not get caught up in this game, "Okay, I'm going to do that." Or, "I always things for you, when are you going to do something?" These children are not profitable games.
When a marriage, a mature marriage is one where you give all of who you are.
IMMATURE SITUATION ". This is not the mother or father did!" "Not so grow up" or
One problem is that when you get married, that most of the parents' marriage only as a guide on your own. We get used to things a certain way just because that's the way we grew up.
Do not demand that your spouse react as the father or the mother is not a marriage. You need to have a totally unique ID anyway-on that reflects the harmonious unity of the individual's personality.
Can be used to the food cooked in a certain way. Do not put the spouse cook like Mom did. This is absurd.
One thing to keep in mind that parents have spent years searching and storing thing that you have. Do not expect that all of that in the first year of marriage.
Do not hold your spouse or unrealistic expectations. If your father was an 8 in a particular area, but only a 4-husband, you may be disappointed. Do not compare. Give your husband a chance to mature and grow.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "You have to have a life that is different from my marriage."
This is a very dangerous attitude to marriage. Typically, men who feel that they need it more than women. But anyway, having a life outside of marriage disastrous marriage.
Boys 'night workers' parties, and other activities to exclude the co spawn a deep level of mistrust and unrest within marriage. The fact that this is a policy, if I can not contain my wife something, I will not attend. Often the wife does not want to participate, but to know that I did not deliberately exclude him what I was looking for.
This means that you can not do anything without your spouse? I do not like to play golf and a lot of other sports. My wife is not the type of sport. Rarely go together, when I go to play golf, basketball or baseball. Still, if you want to come, I'm glad to have him. Do not tell her she can not come.
This is what I'm driving at. Do exile society a part of your life. That breeds mistrust and suspicion.
Another danger creative spirit island that only goes. This is often the issues of marriage and mentally escape from going to the place in your mind and life, that your partner can not come.
This may be a fantasy world where mentally fantasize about other men or women, or dream of a world where your partner is not. This leads to the danger of thinking that will eventually spill over into reality. Created this mental Island is the first step to having an affair.
IMMATURE SITUATION ". This is not my problem I deal with it"
This is very similar to a few people we've talked about. However, there is an aspect of this type of attitude that needs to be addressed.
If the spouse is a problem, then you too!
This should be a specific rule for life. This never mate only problem. If you are married to him, then the problem is.
The Companions are not our children. Often, I'll tell my kids flounder or fight through problems, to learn valuable lessons regarding life. My wife, however, is different. If he goes through the problem with treating. Always. Do not tell him to figure out, or that he is the only one to worry about!
If you have a problem, then I will
Folks, this is what marriage is all about. This is a unique type of relationship. You choose a person for this type of connection. This is the most complex of all earthly relationships.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "You always …" or "You never …"
I usually get a good chuckle when I hear it. My family counseling, it is generally the couples that absolute statements on the shortcomings of their spouse.
"Do not you ever think of me!"
"I always come home late!"
"All I want to have sex!"
"the only thing that is important to you kids!"
is a set of rules to follow when they advise couples. Ironically, it is an absolute rule, but it has served me in good stead: ".. Everyone exaggerates the truth is somewhere in between"
I mentioned that once a lady who called me up to tell me all these terrible things to another person. She swore up and down that he never exaggerates. I told him that I had never met someone who does not. He said that he was, you were the first. Come to find out, he is not only outrageously exaggerated, he is, and who is lying.
If you are nervous, you that these statements are just absolutely not true. It is feared that such statements do not, a negative impact on the … for sure, but affected nonetheless.
If someone says, "You always …" This sticks in the gut and remember these words. He begins to harbor resentment, not matter how you make the other person told them the heat of the moment or anger.
Stay away from that wild and outrageous allegations.
seems to be human nature to do this. We drive home the point that without thinking, or to express your feelings. Do you remember the line in the last Star Wars film, The Revenge of the Sith? Obi-Wan Kenobi, compared to the former apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader him. Anakin some comments, and Obi-Wan replied, "Only the Sith deal in absolutes." What is ironic is that the claim that it is an absolute statement … just the Sith? You see, this is what a lot and it's human nature.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "This is mine!"
Again, this is like a couple of the others above, but in this case I want connected to physical objects in the house.
it's always a bad sign when the assets are distributed to all of you. The table is mine, the sofa is yours, your computer is mine, the bed is yours …
If one, then everything in the house belongs to both of them. Only one owner … the marriage.
Now I understand that an organization can have a sense that his own and his cabinet or dresser drawer. I'm not talking about that. Not talking to each our own clothes or personal stuff. I'm talking about everything else.
Get it in your head that you're married and things will go much better. If you buy a computer, the computer, both me and my wife. Always. Do not worry about what belongs to whom, or upset if he interferes with my stuff. Why should I? This is our stuff.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "I do not have to listen to this!" or "Do not tell me what to do!"
a sure sign of weak or immature marriage, if you or your spouse is not willing to listen to criticism or correction. It's natural to not want to be corrected or hate criticism.
It should be a pretty big boy or girl to the truth about your partner. You do not have to like it. But you ought to be willing to listen, think, and think on it.
So many women out of their husbands about it. Just give up. Many men pummeled their wives trapped in a corner doing the same thing. This is dangerous, immature, childish, and I had to stop.
IMMATURE SITUATION: "This is all your fault!"
Finger pointing and trying to pin each other senseless error. It achieves nothing. The blame game is something that immature people when they feel that they can not win the argument. This is the last option.
Stop. Do not worry about whose fault it. Worry about finding a solution. To be honest, most of us are idiots in this area. We are more interested in defensive position than we are to resolve it. I'm sure the world will be a better place if everyone just agree with you. Well, sir or ma'am, I do, and who will tell. Just do not go "T" happie "that-a-way!
Here's what most people an argument. When the argument starts, there is usually something to be said to cause the other becomes defensive. the result of the defensive response is usually something else to say about the first one caused a defensive reaction to it.
So, if we take away the hill that you will be protected and will begin launching artillery shells in a row. the winner is the one who against artillery longest. who cares about the solution? who cares if we just ignored by the problem to decide who is to blame.
unless you no longer have to worry about who is right and who is wrong, but it will not solve a single thing. Let's be honest, when a relationship is suffering, who cares who is at fault! Fix it!
signs of ten attitude immature marriage. marriage is something infinitely deeper and more complex than any other relationship with you. As a result, the functionality, design and purpose necessary level of maturity that frankly, many people do not have.
This does not mean that you can not learn that yet.